Monday, April 16, 2007

The Return....

After spending most of night last night (Sunday) drooling on myself watching basketball and wondering what water-resistent materials I could dig up out of my apartment to soften the sound of machine guns being generated by the heavy downpour of rain onto my duct-tape/tuna can constructed AC unit, I pondered the idea of spending most of my work day today, Monday, Satan's day, the day of the walking dead, coming up with ways to convince everyone to start writing on this thing again. I get a feeling I'll be talking to myself for a while, but maybe if i shower my audience with promises of naked pics, not of me of course, but of popular celebrities like Molly Shannon or Loni Anderson, it would help to lure the once loyal fan out of the woodworks and have him read on (Mike Chee, I'm talking to you), armed with a Kleenex box and a dull butterknife in case of emergencies...

Fuck, I don't really remember what I spent my money on this past week. Let's just start with Friday shall we? I have pictures to guide me...

Friday April 13th -
$3 - Large Mud Coffee, from the Mud Truck. Mudilicious. Pookie... I found crack.
$0 - BLT Burger. Mashburn bought me a fantastic lunch at BLT. Price was decent, and the burger was delicious... but that's also because I was so hungry I was having visions of spreading brown mustard on the Suit sitting next to me and getting all Jeffrey Dahmer on his ass. Then the fries came and I didn't speak or come up for a breath for the next 10 min. The only downside to the meal was that I was sitting under a giant low-mounted stuffed cow the entire time and when I got up to put my jacket on after my meal, my fingers actually grazed its nose and right cheek. Note to BLT: that is fucking disgusting. If I had to touch the likeness of every animal I have eaten at every meal of my life, let alone the decapitated head of one, I'd be walking around in a recycled hemp bag smearing dog-poop on anyone wearing leather or taking a whiff at the halal stands. Not exactly good for the ground meat bidnes. I don't care if it's made of grade A steak rib-eye whatever. Wendy's has square patties of cow/rat poopshoots i'm sure, but i don't have to give a dead cow eskimo kisses after each meal... not that i frequent Wendy's or anything.
$10 - Tickets to see the Klaxons at Studio B. Mike Chee and I decided to give our socially proactive alter egos a chance in life and went to a show last minute. Danny joined us later. I know. It must've been Socially Proactive Alter Ego Day or something.
$Gazillion Million Fucking Dollars!!!!! - 2 shots of patron, 2 redbull vodkas, 1 vodka soda, coatcheck... WTF? GREENPOINT!?! Actually... I guess it wasn't that bad... actually I can't even really remember. There were glowsticks being thrown around which sadly excited my alcohol soaked seratonin levels for a hot second. That should explain it. Come to think of it, I think I only spent like $20. Sweet!!
$31 - The usual nightcap package deal: $3 pizza at Anna Marie's, $8 car ride from Northside, $20 one last whiskey for Danny and I at King's County.

Saturday - April 14th
$1.39 - Bag of Shin Ramen. God's cure to the hangover. Don't tell anyone, but this is why we Koreans drinks so much. We actually HAVE discovered the cure to the unholiest of unholy hangovers... it's a giant bowl of Shin Ramen (that Saporro crap won't cut it), 2 eggs lightly beaten and gently stirred into the soup 1 mintue before completion. Must be devoured within 3 min and 45 sec and immediately follwed by a gallon of water and 2 advils. I might have just sold myself out for the sake of an entertaining read, but if I ever tell you I can't help you cut the dingleberries off your dog's ass on Saturday as I had promised you loyally since Wednesday becuase I had too much to drink on Friday, I am lying through my teeth. I'll deny it til the end, but it's the horrible truth.
$40 - Korean bbq with a clan of 14. Holy shit what a meal. We sweet-talked the ladies of KeunJip to score us 3 connecting tables. Six orders of porkbelly, 4 orders of kalbi, 2 orders of spicy kalbijim, 2 sulungtang's, 3 korean pancakes, complimentary kimchee fried rice and probably 12 bottles of soju later we only paid $40 each including a 25% tip. Holy shits indeedy.
$??? - karaoke at Japas 83... no words can possibly describe in any language, not even the fake one I use sometimes to accentuate my disdain for the male species or macrobiotic restaurants, the type of people we encountered at this joint. "Jersey" is such an understatement it lies six feet. But, you know, this just gives a solid excuse to a bunch of drunk-ass asians, one white Mayor and a Panamanian to cause complete RETARDO Montelban mayhem.
Exhibit A: (notice frightened aforementioned "Jersey" dude in the background)



Sunday - April 15th -
$10 - Woke up on Stef's couch spooning a stuffed baby bird (this is ok... I didn't just finish EATING a baby bird!), so I gathered myself and walked over to Silent H (our beloved Vinh's yummy yummy restaurant) and bought myself a grilled pork banh-mi sando deal and ate as much of it as I could (they're huge!!) then wrapped up the rest for a tasty snack post sin-scrub shower sesh at home. Tall Steve made some mandoo-filled spring rolls, which I deemed the HYBRID (korean/vetnamese) that he packed for me to eat as well. I love my friends.
$0.60 - Cheez-its from the vending machine. I usually prefer the Nabisco Honey Braids for a healtheir fare, but, alas, end-of-the-week vending machine woes, the B8 slot stood ominously empty before my eyes... so, this is where my week ended... sweatpants, sweatshirt, coke-bottle spectacles, empty bag of Cheez-its, my leftover sandwich and an NBA doubleheader on ABC... sigh. I'm still pissed about that damn cowhead.