Monday, April 16, 2007

The Return....

After spending most of night last night (Sunday) drooling on myself watching basketball and wondering what water-resistent materials I could dig up out of my apartment to soften the sound of machine guns being generated by the heavy downpour of rain onto my duct-tape/tuna can constructed AC unit, I pondered the idea of spending most of my work day today, Monday, Satan's day, the day of the walking dead, coming up with ways to convince everyone to start writing on this thing again. I get a feeling I'll be talking to myself for a while, but maybe if i shower my audience with promises of naked pics, not of me of course, but of popular celebrities like Molly Shannon or Loni Anderson, it would help to lure the once loyal fan out of the woodworks and have him read on (Mike Chee, I'm talking to you), armed with a Kleenex box and a dull butterknife in case of emergencies...

Fuck, I don't really remember what I spent my money on this past week. Let's just start with Friday shall we? I have pictures to guide me...

Friday April 13th -
$3 - Large Mud Coffee, from the Mud Truck. Mudilicious. Pookie... I found crack.
$0 - BLT Burger. Mashburn bought me a fantastic lunch at BLT. Price was decent, and the burger was delicious... but that's also because I was so hungry I was having visions of spreading brown mustard on the Suit sitting next to me and getting all Jeffrey Dahmer on his ass. Then the fries came and I didn't speak or come up for a breath for the next 10 min. The only downside to the meal was that I was sitting under a giant low-mounted stuffed cow the entire time and when I got up to put my jacket on after my meal, my fingers actually grazed its nose and right cheek. Note to BLT: that is fucking disgusting. If I had to touch the likeness of every animal I have eaten at every meal of my life, let alone the decapitated head of one, I'd be walking around in a recycled hemp bag smearing dog-poop on anyone wearing leather or taking a whiff at the halal stands. Not exactly good for the ground meat bidnes. I don't care if it's made of grade A steak rib-eye whatever. Wendy's has square patties of cow/rat poopshoots i'm sure, but i don't have to give a dead cow eskimo kisses after each meal... not that i frequent Wendy's or anything.
$10 - Tickets to see the Klaxons at Studio B. Mike Chee and I decided to give our socially proactive alter egos a chance in life and went to a show last minute. Danny joined us later. I know. It must've been Socially Proactive Alter Ego Day or something.
$Gazillion Million Fucking Dollars!!!!! - 2 shots of patron, 2 redbull vodkas, 1 vodka soda, coatcheck... WTF? GREENPOINT!?! Actually... I guess it wasn't that bad... actually I can't even really remember. There were glowsticks being thrown around which sadly excited my alcohol soaked seratonin levels for a hot second. That should explain it. Come to think of it, I think I only spent like $20. Sweet!!
$31 - The usual nightcap package deal: $3 pizza at Anna Marie's, $8 car ride from Northside, $20 one last whiskey for Danny and I at King's County.

Saturday - April 14th
$1.39 - Bag of Shin Ramen. God's cure to the hangover. Don't tell anyone, but this is why we Koreans drinks so much. We actually HAVE discovered the cure to the unholiest of unholy hangovers... it's a giant bowl of Shin Ramen (that Saporro crap won't cut it), 2 eggs lightly beaten and gently stirred into the soup 1 mintue before completion. Must be devoured within 3 min and 45 sec and immediately follwed by a gallon of water and 2 advils. I might have just sold myself out for the sake of an entertaining read, but if I ever tell you I can't help you cut the dingleberries off your dog's ass on Saturday as I had promised you loyally since Wednesday becuase I had too much to drink on Friday, I am lying through my teeth. I'll deny it til the end, but it's the horrible truth.
$40 - Korean bbq with a clan of 14. Holy shit what a meal. We sweet-talked the ladies of KeunJip to score us 3 connecting tables. Six orders of porkbelly, 4 orders of kalbi, 2 orders of spicy kalbijim, 2 sulungtang's, 3 korean pancakes, complimentary kimchee fried rice and probably 12 bottles of soju later we only paid $40 each including a 25% tip. Holy shits indeedy.
$??? - karaoke at Japas 83... no words can possibly describe in any language, not even the fake one I use sometimes to accentuate my disdain for the male species or macrobiotic restaurants, the type of people we encountered at this joint. "Jersey" is such an understatement it lies six feet. But, you know, this just gives a solid excuse to a bunch of drunk-ass asians, one white Mayor and a Panamanian to cause complete RETARDO Montelban mayhem.
Exhibit A: (notice frightened aforementioned "Jersey" dude in the background)

Sunday - April 15th -
$10 - Woke up on Stef's couch spooning a stuffed baby bird (this is ok... I didn't just finish EATING a baby bird!), so I gathered myself and walked over to Silent H (our beloved Vinh's yummy yummy restaurant) and bought myself a grilled pork banh-mi sando deal and ate as much of it as I could (they're huge!!) then wrapped up the rest for a tasty snack post sin-scrub shower sesh at home. Tall Steve made some mandoo-filled spring rolls, which I deemed the HYBRID (korean/vetnamese) that he packed for me to eat as well. I love my friends.
$0.60 - Cheez-its from the vending machine. I usually prefer the Nabisco Honey Braids for a healtheir fare, but, alas, end-of-the-week vending machine woes, the B8 slot stood ominously empty before my eyes... so, this is where my week ended... sweatpants, sweatshirt, coke-bottle spectacles, empty bag of Cheez-its, my leftover sandwich and an NBA doubleheader on ABC... sigh. I'm still pissed about that damn cowhead.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

G-Unfit's Brain is Swimmin' in Alcohol

This is gonna be a long hard one cause I only remember about 65% of what I did in the last couple weeks... but that's still the majority, so I'll just fill in the gaps with some fun facts. You can decide what you think was real or not. And heeeeere we go.

Monday 11.6.06...
$6 (?) - had some paint chips and a hit off the crack pipe for lunch
$12 - paid tip at Clinton St. Baking Co dinner with David. Had the pork chops over glazed pears with mashed sweet potatos and a beet salad. David had the buttermilk fried chicken. Both were amazing, but I prefer my fried chicken ghetto steeze a la Kennedy's or Popeye's on good days.
$16 - 2 glasses of wine at Clandestino (Ludlow and Canal). Since David was going to spend the rest of the evening lubing himself up for his reunion with his Xbox, I decided to check out the bar downstairs. The bartender was super cute, and the wine was decent. They also serve some tapas-style appetizers like sardines and cheese plates.
Total 11.6.06: $34

Tuesday 11.7.06...
$45.80 - Forever 21: 2 tops and 1 underwear. Replaced lunch with an Energy Bar and went shopping for tops that would hide my double cheeseburgers.
$6.71 - Subway (the usual). I was not joking about my Subway addiction.
$0 - Dinner of sliced steak with a mushroom reduction sauce over brown rice and boiled veggies and pear. Prepared by Vinh as payment for some favors involving a computer and some fonts n stuff.
$10 - 5 maybe 6... 7? glasses of wine at the K.C. Gotta love being Norm at the neighborhood bar.
Total 11.7.06: $62.51

Wednesday 11.8.06...
$4.25 - Jamba Juice. So pointless. So overpriced, but oh so good.
$5 - cab to St. Mark's. Sat in a shoebox at Yakitori Taisho and ate a gallon of oil in fried goodies that a Pokemon/Jermaine Dupri hybrid kid served us. Then we went to Sing Sing karaoke and abused people's ears with metal rants for 2 hours and walked out with popped blood vessels and delusions of grandeur about our soon-to-be careers as the next Sebastian Bach and Phil Anselmo. (All Mashburn's treat!! Yippee~!)
$16 - Went to Calndestino again for a night cap and got 3 for 2 glasses of white.
Total 11.8.06: $25.25

Thursday 11.9.06...
$0 - Meetings in the office all day. The meaning of the combination of the previous jumble of letters of the alphabet should read as nothing but FREE FOOD!
I can't remember for the life of me what the hell I did the rest of this day. There's probably a significant connection between this and all the alcohol I consumed this week, so I'm gonna make a realistic educated guess...
$.75 - pencil shavings and film cleaner for dinner. Swedish fish from the downstairs vending machine for dessert.
Total 11.9.06: $.75 (woohoo!)

Friday 11.10.06...
$4.37 - Whole Foods: small tub of smack n cheese and herb roasted chicken thigh/wing.
$1 - pack of rolaids from the deli to relieve the gas caused by the above meal.
$5 - fuzzy cab ride home from night out with work peeps on the company dime. dude. architects = notorious drinkers. 6 martinis and one shot at Pravda to wash down baked oysters, mini burgers, fries, and fennel salad. The food seemed spectacular beyond belief, but it might've had something to do with the 6 martinis and the giant donation I made to the porcelain gods right before game-time. You know how food always tastes so exquisite after a good face-scrunch sesh. After the "appetizers," went to Public to have dinner. The food was god-awful, but I didn't really taste much of it in between the 3 glasses of wine, port, and mounds of ice cream for dessert. WARNING: in case you ever visit this joint as cross-eyed wasted as I was, pee in the men's bathroom. I think there were 2 locks in the women's. It's a long dramatic story, but after some excessive banging of the fists and a few tears, they found me, and i'm ok now.
Total 11.11.06: $10.37

Saturday 11.11.06
$15 - Brunch at Supper. Woke up still drunk with racoon eyes and one sock on. Needed greasy piles of sustenance. Ate 3 bites of a goat cheese/chicken sandwich and almost puked it all over the pretencious-looking boston terrier sitting next to me. He started looking kinda tasty though. j/k.
$15 - spent last few dollars to my name on drinks at Laura's B-day. I got bitten by a human 3 times and Danny came out to the city. It was party time. Excellent.
Total 11.12.06: $30

Total for the week: $162.88

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Snarky's 2 Weeks on Ice...

My apologies for the slight pause, but Snarky's back!!

Saturday 11.4.06
$20 - Pacifico Restaurant. Best of the best in Carroll Gardens. SOLID. Be it the hearty bloodies, the volcanic nachos, the bigass burrito (it's super fun to listen to old folks order..."errr, um, yes, may i have an order of the, um, eh, bigasssss burrito?") or the grubby, alcohol soaking brunch variety which is essentially eggs, cheese, beans, pico de gallo and tortilla served every which way w/ a different name.
$18 - One Girl Cookie For mini-cookies and espresso, this is the Carroll Gardens spot. 4 different little cookies for $2 on a cute lil plate. Evokes that Teatime feel. Cute.
$2 - MetroCard Off to Work
$2 - Starbucks Medium Coffee w/ Room
$23 - Li Hua Restaurant. Gets-the-Job-Done Korean Food w/ Chinese name. Odd. It ain't no 32nd Street K-food but I WANT MY KiMChee (must be sung like Dire Straits "i want my mtv").
$10 - Antarctica. great local pro-aussie bar, except during weekends, stay away!! Tip money for my RED wine & Huey's Maker's. I send people to Antarctica after our events and in return, I drink for freeeeeeee.
$13 - CAB. home.
TOTAL = $88

One Girl Cookie w/ Professor Huey & T-Bone

Sunday 11.5.06
$0 - Stumbled upon an all travel retail store on Smith Street that sold everything from my fave Travel Scrabble to weekend bags to maps and shit. Like all great service portals, this store was serving Mimosas on little trays and so quite happily, Tristan, Huey & I loitered until we asked about almost every item in the store. Tristan felt so bad that he even bought a $75 Jack Spade wallet. Sucka!!
$30 - Bar Tabac. 2nd fave brunch spot in Carroll Gardens 3 piece big band. very sweet. very french.
$0 - BAM. LOVE BAM. Attempted to watch Borat. Sold Out. But saw Heath Ledger & Michelle Williams outside the theaters. Made me feel fuzzy inside.
TOTAL = $30

Monday 11.6.06
$10 - MetroCard
$2 - Starbucks Medium Coffee w/ Room
$76 - Cafe Noir. I'm over it.
$13 - CAB. home.
TOTAL = $101

Tuesday 11.7.06
$2 - Starbucks Medium Coffee w/ Room
$33 - Film Forum. Fave theater house in NYC. Screening of Werner Herzog's 1972 Film "Aguirre: The Wrath of God". Just think Apocalypse Now meets Monty Python.
$18 - Epistrophy. cute little bricky wine bar w/ stupid food. fennel & pear salad was lame and so was the non-hunkychunky cheese plate.
TOTAL = $53
Love this Movie - Aguirre: The Wrath of God

Wednesday 11.8.06
$2 - Starbucks Medium Coffee w/ Room
$10 - Mooncakes. Soho lunch spizot. Twice a week, I order the "Grilled Salmon Plate (well done) w/ Brown Rice & Spicy Green Sauce." Trust me, your tummy will thank you.
$6 - Pomodoro Pizza. Pairs nicely w/ heros. Guitar Heros that is.
$8 - CAB. home.
TOTAL = $26

Thursday 11.9.06
$2 - Starbucks Medium Coffee w/ Room
$280 - Denise Williamson Showroom sample sale. lotsa Ulla Thompson. yummy.
$20 - Snack. Fave Mediterranean in Soho. Palivou wine perfectly compliments the grape leaves, taramouzalata (fish roe dip) and tzatziki.
$0 - Uniqlo's store opening. $50K toro, champagne a'flowin and Morimoto's vs. Misshapes performance.
$10 - CAB. home.
TOTAL = $312
Totes Morimotes @ Uniqlo

Friday 11.10.06
$2 - Starbucks Medium Coffee w/ Room
$11 - Sunrise Market. Fave Japanese market. Great casual lunch spot for grubby dubby Japanese food, my go-to dish being the wakame soba noodles in a hot bonito broth. deetydeety deet deet deeet deeeet deeeee...
$0 - Kum Gang San. my girl Cynthia got the bill. ch'yeah!!
$10 - Korean Market. my folks would be so proud.
$2 - Starbucks Medium Coffee w/ Room
++$150 - Poker. lil Dana Lavoie got me new shoes. ok, not just Dana.
$0 - Matchless. Greenpoint bar that's wwwway too loud. Redeeming quality is this one gay bartender who'll play poker with me and vinh on slow nights.
TOTAL = $25
GRAND TOTAL = ++$125

Saturday 11.11.06
$15 - Bedford Cheese Shop. rrrrrrrrrripe.
$0 - Gallery Opening. only serving vodka. Yes!!
$60 - Casimir. 2 stoli martinis, beet & goat cheese salad, salmon entree w/ wild mushrooms and espresso to finish. this spot always pulls through. love it.
$10 - Black & White. Christian is gay.
$0 - No expense b/c Tristan made us take the fricking train home at 1am.
TOTAL = $85
I was drunk & bit off the corner of that 4 train sign behind Tristan. I swear. Don't ask me why.

Sunday 11.12.06
$0 - Korean baked ramen w/ 2 eggs. think that w/ age, msg is starting to kick my ass. sucks.
++$150 - Poker. Big Weener!!
TOTAL = ++$150

Monday 11.13.06
$2 - Starbucks Medium Coffee w/ Room
$0 - Canned Soup. stole it from a homeless drive on my way to work.
$0 - Korean baked ramen w/ 2 eggs. know that w/ age, msg is starting to kick my ass. sucks.
MSG made me dream that i fell madly in love with this man named Antonio Esfandiari, a poker pro & magician. what?

Tuesday 11.14.06
$2 - Starbucks Medium Coffee w/ Room
$10 - Hudson St Deli Salad + DC
Rest of Tuesday tbd...

GRAND TOTAL (11/4-11/14/06) = $751 - $300 = $451


Thursday, November 09, 2006

Beware: SteFleiss is Lubed Up with Hate

Tuesday 11.6.06
In an effort to save money, I try to subsist off of stale candy and fiber crackers in my desk at work. By evening time, its Luke's last supper so I break down and buy him a six-pack; half Grolsch and half Brooklyn Lager Oktoberfest. We eat a shitty Dumont Burger meal-- it was cold takeout with soggy fries and the meat was quite tasteless for the first time. He then spent $60+ on car service one way to Newark airport, then again BACK, when he realized his flight had taken off the night before, when we were blowing our wads at our buddy Seki-San's overpriced but delish joint.
$10- Corner Deli for 6-pack of beer.
TOTAL: $10

Wednesday 11.7.06

I ate shit on the wet subway platform this rainy morning and my knee is bruised and swollen. I was just happy that the conductor kept the door open for my embarrassed ass to enter, and also relieved that my crappy buttcrack cleavage jeans from China didn't rip. On the spending end, I am still managing to scrape by being a complete mooch. Managed to manipulate my work to buy pizza for lunch. Then went to get the WORST massage ever at Broadway Spa. See my scathing review on Citysearch:
$120- Broadway Spa (aka Shittiest Shit Hole, NYC) Prepaid during Spa Week. I insisted they refund us $20 of the fee and use it towards the undeserved tip. When I walked in they asked me if I wanted: Shiatsu or Swedish massage, but somehow I ended up with the Polish massage. The Eastern Bloc guy spent the whole time just over-lubing me up and barely applying any pressure. All I felt were his hairy knuckles tickling me through the peat bog of goo on my back. This was worse than a massage from my boyfriend! Even Chef thought to himself, "Gee this is bad, I wonder if this is what it feels like for Steph to get a massage from me." When i flipped over, I noticed mirrors on the ceiling, which would be great if I was having an orgie with hot trannies, but all it did was reflect back my multi-chins trying to stifle back laughter over how horrible everything was. I even blurted out, "Are you sure this is a Swedish massage?" The guy freaked out and began to squirt even more lube juice onto me and squeezed my foot like he was trying to fold a pizza slice in half. I laid there with my eyes open, considering standing up and demanding a manicure instead. You know how when you get your hand massaged and fingers pulled, you hear that thai massage-style snap? Nothing like this here. I felt like he was pulling my fingers to trigger a fart. He also tried to fold my elbows back to stretch, but since I didn't feel anything stretching, I knew he was just trying to twist me backwards to cop a glance at my titties, so I resisted. I want my money back. I asked the front desk if the dudes were even accredited! This place gets rave reviews from gay publications, so it makes me think that guys on meth are too numb to feel what a bad massage is.
$32- Forever 21. 1 pair black slim jeans that are already starting to sag in the knee. By next week they should be stretched out enough to wear as my winter sweatpants indoors. Yes, Chef came with me, but he bought two thermals, so don't hate!
$0- The yummiest homemade pizza by Chef! One was the Chez Panisse special: sauteed onions and mushrooms with fontina, mozzarella, baked with an egg cracked over it, then blanketed in prosciutto. You dip the pizza tips into the yolk once you slice and dice it. PURE HEAVEN.
TOTAL: $152 & over-pizza'd out for the day! Also, aiming to get a refund on my massages.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

S-Random Weekend Splurging

Saturday November 4, 2006
$11 Deli breakfast for lady and I (ham,egg,cheese,tomato on croissant for me. sausage, egg, tomato on sesame for her and 2x ice hazelnut coffees)
$115 Las Ramblas dinner for lady and I 6 different tapas items and a bottle of wine
(annoying gay waiter traps us again. this time he both amused and annoyed me. i am still up for ideas on how to feel about him)
$10 2x vodka tonics at the Monster while sitting around listing to some gays play on the piano. good times
$5 cab to Eastern Bloc in East Village
$0 for 2 vodka tonics at Eastern Bloc lady friend decides to treat for a few
$0 for 2 vodka tonics at Boysroom go to a bar specifically to meet friend/owner to get free drinks. Yes I'm that shameless.
$6 cab home
$4 for pizza that I don't really remember but found in my fridge the next day. It had meat on it and was thick. Where I got it I really cannot remember
TOTAL: $151

Sunday November 5, 2006
$0 waking up still drunk at 8:30
$6.78 for 2 bags o' tater tots at Associated Supermarket for Steph's marathon shinding
$25 at Willyb Deli for 6 pack of Corona, 6 pack of Imperial, and flowers for Butchie's party
$0 Marathon party food and drink
$15 Saigon Grill delivery
- standard hangover food for Liz and I. I got some appetizer and soup.
Total: $46.78

Monday November 6, 2006
$2.50 Ice Hazelnut at deli on way to work
$6.50 Salad bar and bag o'chips -
you would think after seeing a rat running around the deli I would loose my desire to eat lunch. No such luck sucker.
$0 Homemade chili dinner - nice meal to celebrate a good interview made by the lady.
Total: $9

SteFleiss's Hasty Confe$$ional

SATURDAY 11.4.06
$2- Iced Coffee at Oslo. Its picking up in there!
+$27- Beacon's diddly payment for old dirty clothes
$22- Polish Meat Store on North 9th and Bedford for 4lbs of kielbasa. (Worth every inch- lengthwise and girth)
$0- drinking for free at home then at dingy party
$12- sixpack of coors light + cheetos + chips to feed vinh, ginny, dirty and myself into the morning hours.

SUNDAY 11.5.06
Marathon viewing party starting in Brooklyn, followed by 10 minute nap and then Louisa Dowry Dinner with Luke... drinking from 10am to 3am
$15- cab fare to city
$120- 18% tip at Morimoto. Sucked. Will update with review later.
$10- 2 vodka sodas at Stoned Crow (bartender picked up my third)
TOTAL: $145

MONDAY 11.6.06
$9- Lunch at Comfort Diner
$9- cab fare to East village
$20- 2 beers + 1 Whiskey At 7B Bar (Luke's pairing: the Heineken with Jack on the rocks)
$744.80- Sushi Seki with Luke, Linyee, Chef. Damn Luke's saki bottle orders!! I am in the red. No more money to spend for the rest of the year. This is very very painful. This is the ultimate new low. Company and sashimi was great, but with my last paycheck looming, I am hurting real bad. Mor specific review of the food that bit my wallet-- to come.
TOTAL: $782.80

G-UNFIT's Weekend Blowout!

Hello boys and girls, today we will be discussing the very important art of being an utterly shameless mooch. One part cheap bastard, one part poor paycheck, all parts having uber-generous friends who love getting their friends wasted and watching them dance like constipated sea monkeys... more on that later. Now it's time for some ketchup...

Thursday, 11.02.06

$0 - fresh yummy office coffee. fresh because i came in at 8:30, and yummy because i dumped 10 lbs of sugar in it to make up for its crap taste.
$6.71 - subway sandwich #479 for 2006. 6-inch club on Italian herbs, white cheese, lettuce, tomato, cucumber, olive, bell peppers, jalepeno, salt and pepper, dash of vinegar, little bit of mayo and yellow mustard, can you cut in half please? thanks, i'll get the combo, cool ranch doritos, with sierra mist. This atrocity happens often, and I've already braced myself for harsh criticism. There's no reason I or anyone should be feeding the down-y former fat-bastard Jared any more of anything besides some dog biscuits and Trim-Spa, but, seriously man, if I didn't "Subway it" as I like to affectionately call this blessed event, I'd never eat any vegetables and I'd die and you'd be really sad. I promise. Plus it's awesome hangover food #2, only to be outdone by the crazy hexagonal flat taco pocket thing from THE BELL. Amen
$0 - 1 Jameson on the rocks at Brass Monkey, listening to designer boyfriend and buddy talk about wanting to tear off the fingernails of some condescending french lady's hands and feeding it to her through her belly button... oh those designer kids.
$7 - 2 jack on the rocks and a basket of chicken fingers with Danny at Nancy Whiskey. I don't know how that really worked out money-wise... Danny insisted that that was all I owed and I was too drunk to argue.
$3 - ginger ale @ Jeromes for Tristance's B-day. Chickens fingers were NOT sitting well that evening. Looked much better in the toilet the next day.
Total: $16.71

Friday, 11.03.06
$3.99 - yogurt and fresh fruit medley from Whole Foods.
$6.71 - Salad bar at Whole Foods. Ok, calm down. Before you start buying water and canned food for the seemingly imminent apocolypse, I had more cheese and chicken wings in my "salad" than actual greens, so relax.
$338.21 - plane ticket to LA. Newark to LAX. quality!
$175 - one of many medical bills from my broken wrist. This is HALF a payment for ONE FUCKING x-ray! So retarded...
Total: $522.91

Saturday, 11.05.06
$2 - afternoon coffee at the Archive
$1 - towel for the gym
$0 - 2 gin and tonics, 2 shots of patron, and 3 sips of whiskey compliments of Stefleiss' pantry and one large jug of vodka courtesy of a distressed openbartender at a crowded brooklyn event. Then half a beer and half another vodka, i mean grey goose, and soda later,
whilst drunkenly oh-my-gawd-ing to DM tracks at Savalas... this is the point, and here we go folks, where the circle meets it's end, i danced like a constipated sea monkey til 4 am. Stefleiss, I owe you a bottle of bombay sapphire and a bag of cheetos.
Total: $3

Sunday, 11.06.06
$0 - Madame Stefleiss' utmost generosity and awesomeness continued as I woke up on her floor, way too fully clothed, next to a bag of unsuspecting cheetos. The smell of fresh kielbasa and eggs seared my nostrils like the flames of a heavenly phoenix as my fat ass arose from a slumber so deep and serene. I immediately started stuffing my face with breakfast burritos and homemade buttermilk waffles and washed them down with pints of spiced bloody mary's. A feast for champions! A feast for kings! Oh, and there were some people running or something outside. Stefleiss I owe you a bottle of vodka and a bag of tater tots.
$8 - car service home
$1.50 - approximately 2.7 seconds after I fervently declared to Danny that I'd never eat crap like Wonf-Foo again I ordered a small pork fried rice and ate it happily with some kimchee.
Total: $9.50

Friday, November 03, 2006

What I Would PAY To Remember, by SteFleiss

THURSDAY, 11.02.06...
***Disclaimer: rough estimate spends due to brain damage from liver soaking this week).

$24 - Whole Foods. Work petty cash for office snacks. I usurped the snack curating role this week, effectively replacing the shitty dry vegan cookies and fake chocolate that my hapless coworker would always buy with flavor-bursting nachos and a ghetto charcuterie. Also snuck in a lunch for myself of the mixed pea shoots salad. (What I imagine fresh spring grass to taste like for a starved cow). Could live off this and sashimi for the rest of my life (and I might be 50 lbs less).
$59 - Club Monaco. 2 identical jersey dresses on sale; high waist with smart pockets. One in dark teal, other in black. Would have bought it khaki too but the material and construct looked the cheap truth in a light color. I am a sucker for repetition when I like something.
$70- Ltaf bday dinner @ Congee Village Paid for 1 stomach (mine) and 3 livers (Luke and Hagen included). Was able to teach the waitress what a double jack on the rocks is. Personally consumed congee w/abalone, smatterings of 3 lbs geoduck- 2 lbs sashimi and 1 lb hot pepper fried (sashimi was a 4 on freshness and bite on a scale of 10; fried is always tasty), fried pork ribs, sauteed snow peas, sauteed water spinach, house special chicken + multiple renditions of the happy birthday song in Engrish then Chinese blared on the speakers, sung as "Happy Birssday.." Most I have ever spent there, but it was probably the excessive alcohol and the Geoduck (at ~$24/lb). Also first time with leftovers.
$80 - St. Jerome's Bar. Lots of whiskeys and a few shots of Jaeger for the bday boy Tristanbul.
$16 - Cab fare home, dropping Vinh off first.
TOTAL: $249

Also notable, I drunkenly set my oven on fire when I tried to broil the leftovers of Congee Village to warm up for hungry, overworked, adorable chef. Extinguished with my vintage plant puffer spray. We left the charred remains outside on the balcony as a gift of penance to the kitchen gods.

WEDNESDAY, 11.01.06...
$10- Wichcraft Breakfast. Iced coffee and the onion frittata in a ciabatta role. The gourmand's hangover special, only ordered as a reward if you find drunkenly misplaced $10bill in your pocket from the night before. Tasted zesty with tomato spread, but the smooth veneer and elliptical mold of the egg was redolent of Automat. Wouldn't order this again.
$1- Cape Cod Russet chips. Burnt dirty potato flakes of heaven. First time eaten in months. Bad sign, must fight the relapse of my genetic chip eating predilection, inherited from my lil brother. Reawakened my desire to visit the Cape Cod Chips factory (map on the back of the bag)
$0- Kasadela. Exquisite and homely izakaya dinner from the bespoke restaurant, on my man's hard earned dime.
$25- To S-Random for the extra ticket for The Knife show at Webster Hall. Show was fun but felt canned. Could have used more surround sound, longer set (lasted like 45min it felt). They were disguised like gimp teletubbies and danced like such.
$140- Momofuku Ssam Bar Couldn't resist a 2a.m. meal on the late night menu to celebrate WeeBot's return to town. 1 bottle of Cava (was a rose, and was a bit too fruit forward) so next ordered the Cuvee Blanc. Each was around $34-38. Noshed on Colonel Bill Newsome's Country Ham. Dreamy flavor, shaved like prosciutto. Spicy tripe needed to have more of its namesake in the dish. Overruled by beef shards instead. Lil RayRay ordered a brussel sprout dish I forgot shortly thereafter about. Oh wait, it had apples julienned on top.
$40- NYC MTA. Subway card to last me through 2 more weeks in NYC prior to Thanksgiving in Cali.
TOTAL: $216

HOLY Squandering!! by, Eugenia Snark

um, okay...this is gonna be pretty embarassing but this shame will be good for me in the longrun. that's my new mantra. "the shame will be good for me in the longrun". wait a sec, i just realized, that's what my parents have been telling me since i was a kid!!

Wednesday, 11.1.06...

$12 - Cafe El Portal lunch. cute little restaurant in nolita. seats about 12 people. the kind of food i imagine the aztecs and incas ate back in the day, minus the cucumber margs.
$2 - Starbucks Medium coffee w/ Room
$7 - CAB to Vinh's (shared with DP)
$200 - Poker (donated to the David & Ginny fund)
$15 - Car Service home

Thursday, 11.2.06 aka Tristan's Birthday...
$20 - Balthazar lunch w/ T-bone & Kyong. best lunch spot when you're in the mood to splurge or just give yourself a pat on the back.
$20 - Shu Uemura lash curler (darn. sold outta cool holder) for Kyong's B-day
$10 - CAB to 1492
$40 - 1492 for T-Bone's dinner. tapas. excellent tapas. great wines. warm, Spanish vibe.
$8 - CAB back to Skylight (work)
$8 - CAB to St. Jerome's Bar
TOTAL = $106
Minimal Damage for a homie's Birthday...

Friday, 11.3.06...
$2 - MetroCard
$100 - 2 Necklaces made by Jenny Sheriff, a gook! 1 is for Kyong's Birthday.
$2 - Starbucks Medium Coffee w/ Room
TOTAL = $104

CAPTION: did i really need this little number, nope! i just couldn't resist the onyx hearts. mole not inluded.

so, the point of the CAB CAPS is to reflect on the ultimate squandering of benjamins on fricking stinky-ass, trafficky CABS. i will total my CAB spendings at the end of each week and then cry about what i could have saved or bought instead. that should teach a lesson or two. xx

Thursday, November 02, 2006

G-Unitarian of Bling Says, "Say No To Bling!"

So Halloweenie adventures consisted of a lot of unrememberance, and by unrememberance I mean I vaugely remember suffocating under a rubber mask of a baseball, madame stephanie fleiss' smooshed pancakes, the sweaty armpits of a chef (a real one not a costumed one), and a somewhat large but convincing Karl Lagerfeld... meaning, I was very hungry and hungover yesterday. SOOOOO, Lettuce begin...

Wednesday, 11.01.06...
$1.65: first cup of coffee from News Bar Cafe (still saving my free one for a REAL emergency!!)
$15: Lunch at Republic in Union Sqaure. I know. We hate it. But we Love it. But we hate it. (Get the coconut skrimp!!)
$0.37: into an empty 5 gallon water bottle to help the homeless... or buy crack, who knows. I've never trusted these guys, but apparently one penny, just one penny, will make a difference, so I gave 37 of 'em.
$2: pair of size 9 sports socks from street vendor in Union Square cause I didn't do laundry and I hate my boyfriend's socks. I think I have like 9 of these at home... the guy should start giving me a "10th Ones on Us!" card.
$50: Went to that new place E.U. (European Union) in the EV for dinner with David. Decor was played, but something about barnyard bathroom modern vampiric ye-olde-tavern hicksville chic (a la Marlow & Sons) still gets to me. Food was good, but nothing special. Great cava for $7, and the service was surprisingly excellent (i.e. they actually talk to you and serve you your food. they MUST be starved for buisness.)
Total: $69.02