Hello boys and girls, today we will be discussing the very important art of being an utterly shameless mooch. One part cheap bastard, one part poor paycheck, all parts having uber-generous friends who love getting their friends wasted and watching them dance like constipated sea monkeys... more on that later. Now it's time for some ketchup...
Thursday, 11.02.06
$0 - fresh yummy office coffee. fresh because i came in at 8:30, and yummy because i dumped 10 lbs of sugar in it to make up for its crap taste.
$6.71 - subway sandwich #479 for 2006. 6-inch club on Italian herbs, white cheese, lettuce, tomato, cucumber, olive, bell peppers, jalepeno, salt and pepper, dash of vinegar, little bit of mayo and yellow mustard, can you cut in half please? thanks, i'll get the combo, cool ranch doritos, with sierra mist. This atrocity happens often, and I've already braced myself for harsh criticism. There's no reason I or anyone should be feeding the down-y former fat-bastard Jared any more of anything besides some dog biscuits and Trim-Spa, but, seriously man, if I didn't "Subway it" as I like to affectionately call this blessed event, I'd never eat any vegetables and I'd die and you'd be really sad. I promise. Plus it's awesome hangover food #2, only to be outdone by the crazy hexagonal flat taco pocket thing from THE BELL. Amen
$0 - 1 Jameson on the rocks at Brass Monkey, listening to designer boyfriend and buddy talk about wanting to tear off the fingernails of some condescending french lady's hands and feeding it to her through her belly button... oh those designer kids.
$7 - 2 jack on the rocks and a basket of chicken fingers with Danny at Nancy Whiskey. I don't know how that really worked out money-wise... Danny insisted that that was all I owed and I was too drunk to argue.
$3 - ginger ale @ Jeromes for Tristance's B-day. Chickens fingers were NOT sitting well that evening. Looked much better in the toilet the next day.
Total: $16.71
Friday, 11.03.06
$3.99 - yogurt and fresh fruit medley from Whole Foods.
$6.71 - Salad bar at Whole Foods. Ok, calm down. Before you start buying water and canned food for the seemingly imminent apocolypse, I had more cheese and chicken wings in my "salad" than actual greens, so relax.
$338.21 - plane ticket to LA. Newark to LAX. quality!
$175 - one of many medical bills from my broken wrist. This is HALF a payment for ONE FUCKING x-ray! So retarded...
Total: $522.91
Saturday, 11.05.06
$2 - afternoon coffee at the Archive
$1 - towel for the gym
$0 - 2 gin and tonics, 2 shots of patron, and 3 sips of whiskey compliments of Stefleiss' pantry and one large jug of vodka courtesy of a distressed openbartender at a crowded brooklyn event. Then half a beer and half another vodka, i mean grey goose, and soda later, whilst drunkenly oh-my-gawd-ing to DM tracks at Savalas... this is the point, and here we go folks, where the circle meets it's end, i danced like a constipated sea monkey til 4 am. Stefleiss, I owe you a bottle of bombay sapphire and a bag of cheetos.
Total: $3
Sunday, 11.06.06
$0 - Madame Stefleiss' utmost generosity and awesomeness continued as I woke up on her floor, way too fully clothed, next to a bag of unsuspecting cheetos. The smell of fresh kielbasa and eggs seared my nostrils like the flames of a heavenly phoenix as my fat ass arose from a slumber so deep and serene. I immediately started stuffing my face with breakfast burritos and homemade buttermilk waffles and washed them down with pints of spiced bloody mary's. A feast for champions! A feast for kings! Oh, and there were some people running or something outside. Stefleiss I owe you a bottle of vodka and a bag of tater tots.
$8 - car service home
$1.50 - approximately 2.7 seconds after I fervently declared to Danny that I'd never eat crap like Wonf-Foo again I ordered a small pork fried rice and ate it happily with some kimchee.
Total: $9.50
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